I Can't Sleep

Whole time.....

I haven't been able to sleep well lately. My mind wanders to only one place in the seconds before I sleep. I can't seem to escape the leftovers of my recent hurt no matter how much I suppress. I have so many questions running through my head after you blew my mind wit an empty sorry.

Why?
What am I really worth to you after everything I've done?
What brought you back when you did?
How in such a short period of time does your consideration for the one you "love" go away so quick?
How could you have done that?
Why didn't you mean it when you apologized?
Why even apologize in the first place?
Why that night?
Why even see me after you did what you did?
Why did you leave me feeling so betrayed and used?
Why?

Like I'm doing my best to forget the past but the past has still fucked me up. The past has still left me wit the fear of ever loving again. I know what to do. But after June idk if I ever want my heart in the hands of another. But yeah I'm bout to go take a nap and try yet again to make sense of the past. God Bless.

A Womans Worth: One Night of Pleasure or a Potential Friendship

Whole time......

I feel like I'm surrounded by dudes that don't know, realize, or grasp the worth of a woman. If i got even half a penny for how many times I've heard my dudes say they just trynna "smash" i would seriously be chillin in the bank wit Trump. What is it thats goin on in dudes heads these days. We have "devolved" (my special antonym for evolve lol) from the days of being cordial, the days of seeing more than a vagina in the female figure, the days of acknowledging the worth of the female race. 

I pose this question to my dudes:

WHEN YOU FIRST MEET A GIRL WOULD YOU RATHER HAVE SEX THAT NIGHT AND NEVER SEE HER AGAIN?

or

HAVE A GOOD TIME, GOOD CONVERSATION, AND LET THE SITUATION GROW TO A FRIENDSHIP FIRST?

Now so far in my experience most of the dudes I know would quickly hit up that first option easy and i dont understand y.  There is too much knowledge, compassion, insight, love, and warmth you can gain from any woman u meet to be worrying about her pussy first.  Friendship first does not mean no sex later......lemme repeat.......FRIENDSHIP FIRST DOES NOT MEAN NO SEX LATER!.......i feel like the best sex ties emotion wit the body and can only be shared with someone you truly care about.  Useless fucking wit a girl you barely know is just an ant on a wall in comparison to what you could have with someone of true value to u....apart from sex.  My dudes....i know perfectly well that we all got needs feel me?....i kno perfectly well that some of us been hurt and therefore see women the way we do.......but the only way to enjoy the full value of the beautiful women of this earth is to pursue their soul before their flesh...God Bless

"He's Too Nice"

They always say that the nice guys finish last and honestly I feel that statement should be edited just a little. "Women who neglect/leave nice guys finish last...." Man I can't say I have ever been or am the smoothest dude, had the freshest clothes, or had the most out there reputation, but one thing I do know is that I know how to treat a woman. Oh and by the way...IM A "NICE GUY"....Day after day I see friends and how they speak of leaving a dude for another. Not because they beat them, not because they hurt them, not because they didn't have their life together. No. It was that for some reason they just didn't like them. For some reason....For some reason....For some reason. It's not some reason.....it's obvious that the reason is that the guy is just too "nice". There are too many females out there gettin hurt, beat, mistreated, neglected, and fighting for relationships that don't show any promise for the sake of havin that "sexy nigga", that "fly nigga", that "football playin nigga", that "our babies gon look beautiful....nigga".  Not enough are lookin for that "caring nigga", that "sensitive nigga", that "listening nigga".  All i have to say (and ima put this in all caps for a reason)....IF YOU NEGLECT THE NICE GUY, DON'T COMPLAIN ABOUT THERE BEING NO GOOD DUDES OUT THERE BECAUSE YOU HAVE MADE THE GOOD ONES INVISIBLE TO YOUR EYES...this is to my niggas doin right.....this is to my girls that have seen the light....and most importantly this is to my girls who cant seem to find that good relationship...if you want something different you gotta do something different....if you want a good relationship take the shades off, open your eyes, and see that good dude in front of you. God Bless

WATTUP WIT YOU WORLD!!

YO WHATS GOODIE!!!! My name is Steven and represent Prince Georges County, Md and Imo State Nigerian as will.  Im a 20 year old college student with a lot of thoughts and views on issues, events, and most of all the relationships between people. I've been through a lot in my short life and I'm gonna take u on a ride through my thoughts on things I've witnessed and endured. Hopefully through reading this blog some can find value in my words or even help my in my perspective on life. It is what it is, I do what I do, and hopefully you like what you will be reading. PEACE!!!